Do you ever have those mornings / days where really, everything just seems ‘TOO HARD’. I had one of those this morning (excuse the picture). The kiddies going back to school which can be a touch traumatic, every room in the house is a (excuse the language), shithole, the dogs barking at every little thing grates on you more than running your ‘not had a manicure in ages’ nails down a blackboard and you have laundry piles the size of the Grampian Mountains – put in to please the sister who is more Aberdonian than West Coast now (not sure what that makes me).
Once the daughter had departed for school, I sat faffing about on the inet for what seemed like 10 mins until I looked up and it was an hour & half later and I was still feeling ugh and still in my super sexy nightshirt (see pic, manqy hair, no make up & classy Primark bed wear!). I sat for a while contemplating finding the energy to move and get on with the million things building up in my brains’ to do list BUT I didn’t actually move.
I did however remind myself of one of the days when I was in hospital this summer when I had been woken from an induced coma 3 days prior. I couldn’t walk, feed myself, had the obligatory catheters – so gross and due to having some random infectious disease, I had to stare at the same wall as wasn’t allowed to leave the room in case I infected anyone.
I felt MISERABLE. I really was SO GRATEFUL to be alive but I just felt UGH, everything was TOO HARD! It was too hard to move, it was too hard to look at the pics (not even read) in my mags, it was too hard to be nice to the amazing nurses, it was too hard to smile, it was even too hard to sleep and shamefully, it was too hard to actually have my regulation hospital gown covering my boobs, I just didn’t care, as it was ALL TOO HARD. I am not normally known for feeling like this so it was all a bit alien and I did really wallow in my own self pity for a good long time. If you are affected with things like this regularly, then I really do empathize, its soul destroying and I salute you for being here and getting up everyday.
My turnaround was when a lovely nurse had been in to wash my hair (I couldn’t actually have given a toss about it but she told me I’d feel better, no mirrors in the room so what did I care) and on her way out, she said the words that I’ll forever be thankful for
“Do you want me to try and get you a radio to listen to, you must be bored”.
I kind of shrugged and said in a fairly grouchy way, “thanks, that might be nice” . Within minutes of her coming back, plugging it in and agreeing that we needed some cheesy music from Heart radio, I started to perk up.
I had completely forgotten the power of music. It can make you remember happy times, it can make you feel hope, it can make your body want to move, it can make you realise what an ‘arse’ you’ve been and actually how ungrateful I was being lying around sulking feeling sorry for myself. I was alive, I WOULD walk and feed myself again, I would get back to normal and I would find the decency to cover up my saggy 44 year old boobs (nobody needs to see that especially not the sexy young male trainee Doctors, maybe I didn’t have an infectious disease after all, maybe I just kept flashing so they thought best to isolate me!)
As usual I have droned on, so WAKE UP !!!
What I’m saying in my blurby way is that if you have been feeling ugh or are having a hard time or or or…. whatever it might be, remember to give music a chance to help – switch on the radio, plug your phone tunes into a speaker, get the vinyls / tapes / cds out (age!!), sing, think of good times, remember you are here and the world is a fantastic place to be, to live, to explore. From that moment on in the hospital, there was a party going on in my infectious room – dress code was blue gloves and aprons. The ME starting to come back, probably to the annoyance of the lovely nurses and head consultant (well he did have some bad Scottish jokes) and even the darling daughter said I was coming back to my ‘pain in the arse’ self.
SO BACK TO THIS MORNING, after that little movie memory, I got off the kitchen chair, walked over and switched on the radio (the 18 year old boy may or may not have been asleep – whatever!) and within a few minutes, the ‘UGH’ changed to ‘I CAN DO THIS’. I took this rather embarrassing pic post radio switch on, pre shower and conquering the world – well the laundry mountains, on load 5 as we speak. Everyone has songs that work for them so just get some on, dance around the house, have a car boogie, exercise your lungs and if anyone dares to tell you your taste in music is pants, you know where you can tell them to go – in my best Scottish accent – “Away and shite !”Once again apologies for the bad taste in language.
BTW – my hospital song may not be familiar to you unless you daughters were into Hannah Montana many moons ago. I have the worlds most bizarre taste in music (so no judgement please) from current Pop to Soft Rock to Musicals to …, but I couldn’t care less, it’s whatever makes ME feel good. Feel free to have a listen (no need to watch if it doesnt work for you – Miley Cyrus, pre naked wrecking ball lol), its the words for me !!!!
Health & Happiness